I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It all started with a game of naked twister.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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