Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
