I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
