Just fell off a train. Bad.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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