Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
