rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
