Got a toothbrush?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
