i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
