fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i came on her dog
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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