I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
