We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
