Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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