Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
