Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
