What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
