we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
