We're facebook friends in real life
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
