Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
