I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
