Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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