just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
