My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
