Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
