when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
