Your face is a jimmy john
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
