Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
