she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
