You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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