ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
