It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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