remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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