I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
