remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
