Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
