She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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