woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
