If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
