I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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