Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
