Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
