I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
