I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
