She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
