The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
