You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
