We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
