am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
