you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
