guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
