I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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